


Arrested By Ass

by sointimate



Series: boys with the booming system [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 06:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2182185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sointimate/pseuds/sointimate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicki Minaj's music video for Anaconda came out; Pat and Jonny react accordingly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Arrested By Ass

**Author's Note:**

> so the video was amazing and i was amazed, and then i was entertained with the idea with how kaner and tazer would've reacted. if it's any different from this, i'll be sad.
> 
> unbeta'd because i wrote this at 3am.
> 
> i'm so sorry about the title, i struggled for a good 5 seconds before giving up.
> 
> heed the tags! it's pre-slash. this is my first hockey fic, so i'll work my way up, i guess.

 

“Have you seen it?”

“Have I seen what, Pat?” Honestly, Jonny’s not even surprised at this point. Trust Patrick to think everyone was running on the exact same brain wavelength. Brain wave? Doesn’t matter. 

“Nicki Minaj!” Patrick sounded shocked over the phone, Jonny could just imagine his stupid mouth hanging wide open.

“Okay, first of all, are you calling Nicki Minaj it? Because even I kno--”

“No, Jonny, god, way to deliberately misinterpret what I’m saying. I meant have you seen her new music video?”

“No? Is it so great that you have to actually call me, and not text me or whatever?”

“Ha!” Patrick let out a bark of laughter. “Like you’d even check your phone on time. I was there Jonny, when you admitted on camera how terrible a replier you were.”

“Three or four days is a normal enough time to reply! That’s how long people had to wait for letters and stuff, right?”

“Uh, wrong. And also irrelevant, because no one sends letters anymore. Actually, no, this is all irrelevant, because we’re talking about Nicki Minaj and her awesome new video. Go watch it.” And then he hung up.

Jonny sighed and padded into the bathroom. It was actually a good thing Patrick had called when he did, because Jonny had spent the previous 20 minutes trying to summon the energy to get out of bed. He’d hit the snooze button numerous times, and each time was like a nail on his coffin. His coffin of slumber. 

It didn’t help that his brain knew coffee was not forthcoming. Jonny was trying to cut back on his caffeine intake, which meant even more zombie-like feelings in the morning, that he had to deal with alone. It had got to the point where he yelled at his hand for pouring out too much milk for his scrambled eggs. Dire straits. 

Jonny finished brushing his teeth and grabbed his laptop as he walked to the kitchen. He pulled up the video while he made breakfast.

A couple slices of burnt bacon later, Jonny tore his eyes away from the screen. He wasn’t even sad about the bacon, because _what had he just seen_.

He texted Patrick a simple “what.” and immediately his phone began to ring.

“You saw it? Oh man, I wish I could see your face right now. What you think?" 

Jonny stumbled for words that weren’t “So. Much. Ass.”. He didn’t succeed. 

Patrick cackled through the line, and kept at it for a solid minute. And then invited himself over. Jonny sighed, put down his phone, and started making another batch of bacon.

 

*******

 

“So wait, I still don’t know if you liked it or not. The video.” Patrick tucked himself into the corner of the couch. A tiny part of Jonny’s mind quipped with how little space Patrick seemed to take up, how he never sprawled across surfaces, and how cozy he looked on Jonny’s couch. That tiny part could shut the hell up, actually.

“It was entertaining, I can’t deny that. I bet you appreciated Drake’s little cameo there.” Jonny grinned, tongue poking at his cheek, smile growing at Patrick’s flushed face. The flush continued to spill onto his neck and maybe even down his shirt, but who cared about that, not Jonny, nope. Definitely not.

“Yeah, I felt bad for him. Imagine having all that, just in your face, and you can’t do anything about it. Cruel.” Patrick paused, and then leered up at Jonny, dimples out in full force. “Of course, I can sympathise completely, considering I have to deal with you flaunting your ass at every opportunity.”

Now it was Jonny’s turn to flush. 

“Oh god, Pat, please. Shut the hell up.” Jonny got up from the couch and busied himself with setting up the xbox. He was pretty sure he was glowing from the sheer magnitude of his blush.

“It’s okay, Jonny. My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun.”

Patrick’s cackling was only interrupted because of a swift pillow to the face.


End file.
